Rumours swirl that BlackBerry also has secret barge

This post originally appeared on the Syrup Trap


WATERLOO (The News Desk) — Just weeks after a mysterious Google-owned barge appearedin the waters outside of San Francisco, Canadian tech juggernaut BlackBerry is rumoured to have acquired a mysterious vessel of its own.

Local reactions have been muted, with some even claiming that the ship has been there for years.

However, among the Canadian tech media, speculation abounds as to what its purpose may be. Possibilities run the gamut from a server farm for a new operating system yet to be released and subsequently re-released with patches, to a retail location for a slick new generation of desk ornaments for businessmen age 50 and up.

A local Canada Post employee was seen delivering what appeared to be USB sticks to the ship, presumably containing emails. The employee would not speculate on what was going on inside.

“They’re running a pretty tight ship,” he chuckled.

A local LCBO employee, delivering what appeared to be a flat of Molson Canadian to the ship, also declined to speculate.

“They’re running a pretty tight ship,” he chuckled, too.

Investors are beginning to demand answers. Reportedly purchased off Craigslist for upwards of $500 (trailer included), the ship cost more than double the company’s current market capitalization, leaving the chief underwriter of the company concerned that the new CEO, Thorsten Heins, is not serious about protecting her money.

“He told me, ‘Mom, I really need this.’ And I believed him,” lamented the company’s principal investor, who wishes to remain anonymous.

Heins, who recently retitled his position Captain, Engineer and First Officer, refused to comment directly on the issue, addressing only one rumour: “What about Google?” he demanded.

After a pause, staring into the wide-open horizon, the trade winds of southern Ontario ruffling his cravat, the last of RIM’s privateers sighed wistfully. “We run a pretty tight ship.”

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