Wikileaks releases contents of Connect

This post originally appeared on the Syrup Trap

VANCOUVER (The News Desk) — UBC officials were alarmed this week when the information pirates at Wikileaks released the contents of school resource website Connect. For the first time, students had access to class schedules, syllabi and reading materials in a convenient online format.

“This is an unacceptable violation of UBC policy,” said Mike Mullen, a confidential source within UBC administration. “If students were meant to have access to their files, we would have ditched Connect after the fifth or sixth time it crashed.”

Browsing through the searchable database of previously unavailable information, students were shocked to find that teachers had been commenting on their assignments all year. Furthermore, teachers had secretly been “grading” students: essentially ranking them based on class performance.

“It’s common practice in the teaching discipline to judge papers, sometimes harshly — sometimes even telling students who don’t conform that they have ‘failed,’” explained Paulo Freire, a professor in the drama department, which has failed zero students since 1952. “It’s a shame that students had to see what can be an ugly side of the pedagogical establishment.”

Spokespeople for UBC Technical Services were surprised by the leak, saying they keep the Connect servers — since revealed to be a Gameboy Advance — in a “super secret location.”

Connect is currently unavailable (for comment). 

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